Lama dah aku tak menulis. Dulu ingat bila ada masa nak sambung lah cerita tentang perjalanan aku travel, tapi disebabkan terlalu banyak masa dihabiskan di tempat kerja, aku takda masa nak menceritakan sepenuhnya. Semua cerita aku tergantung sepi. Maaf lah yee, haha SERIOUS TAKDA MASA, But bila ada masa aku LUPA pulak macam mana cara nak bercerita. Aku ni suka cerita secara detail, so susah lahh kalau korang just nak cut short semua..
Harini aku terasa nak menulis, sebab aku rasa macam aku banyak sangat habiskan masa dengan benda tak berfaedah. So, harini aku nak cerita tentang disaster yang dah melanda aku for the past few weeks (almost one month ago).
Kepada mereka yang memang mengenali aku, memang tahu aku dulu bercinta dengan seorang lelaki ini, yang dikenali melalui T*****. He was a nice guy. Cara nak kenal dengan aku pun sangat sopan, so aku pun takda masalah dengan berkenalan secara lebih rapat. So, we were close since early of 2016., and the connection was cut off for about one year. Suddenly he came back to asked for forgiveness, i've never thought that he did anything wrong to me at that time. Sebab kita pun masih dalam phase "kenal" SO, aku pun chill jela. Then in 2017 we tie back our r/ship. And the thing was on and off coz, i dont know why... maybe Im not a good girlfriend. But, i dont blame him. He treated me well. In this 2018, our r/ship was not that good too. He was busy with his things and i was busy with mine. So again, i don't blame him. But, when he started to jauhkan diri dari aku bit by bit.. Aku dah tahu dah theres gonna be an end to this r/ship sooner or later. So, i tried to looking out and search for another 'jodoh' or in a proper words, "BERKAWAN DENGAN ORANG LAIN".
So, aku pun on balik T-apps aku, and sembang with other guy, but truthfully speaking, most of them in that platform was worst than before. HAHAHA. Ramai jerks and attention seekers and also MLM thingy. I found some that was okay, but naa i don't really into 'starting over'. I'm so tired with that. But then, i chat with few guys in that platform. Not that serious talk. Just to get off myself from my bored life. There were two type of person that i talked to during that time. First one, the guy who really pandai pusing-pusing cerita and i know who he is after i met him. Then second, the guy who really direct approach to me and tell me who he really is. Right after raya (the first jumaat after raya), i met that second guy personally, we did something that was really fun. But I'm so regret of doing it. I was so lost at that time, and i know what i did was a piece of shit and that thing haunted me for about one month. On the next day, Saturday,, I met the first guy, we met at the mamak in KL. And we talked about life, about how he ended up in KL, what he is doing here. So after he told me everything. I knew that he's an MLM guy. But it is okay,, i want to know how they work in MLM so called 'industry'. Then another bala bencana came to me,, my bf at that time cut it off again with me, he did said that he was not ready for any marriage and not looking forward to it. And he doesn't want me to 'buang masa' dengan dia. I was speechless,, eventho' I expected that.... But, Alhamdulillah i have been prepared mentally and emotionally for months. We ended it very well. And i thank him for telling me the truth.
All those three shits happened to me in 3 days. Starting Friday-Sunday.. Seriously, aku masa tu serabut bagai nak gila weh. Dengan mak aku bising pasal aku nak pegi Bali. Dia ingat aku nak pergi sorang lagi. Weh, life aku memang miserable gila masa tu. Aku rasa aku tak kuat, aku rasa,, Ya Allah.. tarik jela aku pergi mengadapMu. TAPI, aku takut jugak nak pergi mengadap DIA masa tu sebab aku dah buat dosa yang paling besar. I know what i did in that 3 days memang faktab gila, and since aku macam tak jujur sangat dengan mak aku, Tuhan tarik nikmat aku kebahagiaan aku satu persatu. Aku jadi super-lost. Aku rasa macam nak tido je. Taknak jumpa orang. Rasa better mati je dari hidup menyusahkan orang. Aku tahu, masa tu aku dah jauh dari Allah. And aku tahu Allah sayangkan aku sebab tu DIA tarik aku dengan cara macam tu, sebab DIA nak aku sujud balik dekat DIA.
And one day, my family was not at home, I was home alone. Aku solat. Aku nangis bagai nak gila. Aku mintak ampun dengan Allah sebab lupakan DIA waktu aku seronok. Alhamdulillah dari situ aku dapat kekuatan balik untuk bangkit. Aku selesaikan masalah aku satu persatu. Aku settlekan budak MLM tu dulu, then aku settelkan the second guy. and lastly aku settlekan problem aku dengan Mama setelah aku explain to her apa yang jadi tentang Bali. And kenapa aku putus dengan ex aku tu. Mama was angry at me not because I'm goin to Bali alone, she was angry coz she thought my ex was using me. Itulah kuasa makcik-makcik bawang. Cerita yang tak betul dibesar-besarkan dan akhirnya jadi fitnah dan timbul lah kacau bilau.
Actually, I'm still feeling lost at this moment. But, i will try to fight for myself in living this cruel world, because i know that Allah will always be with me. He will always protect me as long as He is in my heart and my soul..
ALHAMDULILLAH for everything that happened to me,.
I have been so grateful to still having my family and friends with me.
p/s: in the next entry if i have time, i'll share with you the MLM thing and what you should avoid based on my experience. :)
Thank you. And you guys are awesome because still reading blogs ^-^
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